Yep, the odometer just committed another digit to the cause. I now have an official 1000+ miles under my belt as a motorcyclist. To celebrate the occasion I've endeavored to author a piece of the internet's most cherished form of literature: the un-researched list of stuff.
Why it's Awesome to Ride a Motorcycle (Except When it's Not)
- Fuel Mileage / Tank Size
Holy crap I can't emphasize how awesome this is. Most tanks of fuel cost less than $6 and I've never faired worse than 60MPG.
Except a small tank also means a small range. And since cruisers are too cool for fuel gauges (or are they too lame?) it becomes a game of watching the odometer in order to not run out of gas right before getting to Cahaba Christian on the way home from school. Not that that ever happened....
- Potholes
I don't have to hit them. Ever. I see a pothole and I'm all "Hey pothole, you ain't ruining my day!" Then I steal its cellphone and convince it that potholes aren't worthy of such things.
Except speedbumps are even more annoying. Taking one at any speed above what grandma's motorized chair can do is asking for a bruised tailbone.
- Scenery
Something about straddling several gallons of gasoline as it makes its way through the final stages of its life cycle in a noble attempt to drown polar bears makes you appreciate the trees and the animals. The smell of trees and grass is also a lot nicer than the smell of Toyota dash and air freshener mingled with seat funk.
Except dead possum smells a lot worse out here.
- Civility
Apparently motorcyclists are a friendly bunch. Even from my first wobbly ride on my aunt's Rebel, every other motorcyclist has waved when we pass each other on the highway. I've picked up on this custom and feel a kinship with the other brave souls riding their iron horses into the sunset.
Except for every motorcyclist waving and smiling there's a soccer mom too busy transporting her litter of brats to notice me doing that whole matter thing and occupying space and time. After being nearly run over by a Tahoe and countless minivans I now realize the wave is a congratulations for making it this far and a dignified farewell in case I become a road crayon while the theme to SpongeBob plays.
- Gear
Ok, name one justification outside of motorcycling for a civilian to wear Matterhorn combat boots to church. No, that survivalist guy who sits in the back and stockpiles MREs isn't justified. He's wearing hunting boots anyway. The fact is that "I choose to transport myself here in the most dangerous way insurable" is a get out of dress shoes free card for nearly everything.
Except it's a hassle. Some days the only thing that keeps me putting the gear on is my affinity for unbroken bones and dislike of skin grafts. And it gets old toting a heavy denim jacket with impact and abrasion armor all over campus during the summer.
- Price
We've already covered how cheap fuel is, but consider also how low the transaction prices are for motorcycles relative to cars. In my Yamaha VStar 250 I have basic, reliable transportation for the great number of times I'm carrying neither passengers or a lot of stuff and all for less than $4000 brand new. Motorcycles are considered expensive at price points that for a car are cheap.
Except for all that money saved on purchase there is plenty more to be spent on gear and extra stuff. "Gee, I'd like to bring more than what fits on my person to my destination!" is a pricey thought, as is "Wow, this wet stuff from the sky sure is irritating when it gets on my clothes!" and "Oh bother, how ever will I avoid colds and frostbite?".
- Image
Every kid knows that motorcycles are cool. From the moment we saw Arnold Schwarzenegger riding a Harley-Davidson Fat Boy with a shotgun on his shoulder while "Bad to the Bone" played in the background (God bless America!) everyone equates motorcycles with awesome.
Except that everyone who doesn't ride and is over 18 thinks you're either suicidal or a menace to society. And, unfortunately, motorcyclists are cruel. Image is apparently everything in this subculture. So if you ride a Harley-Davidson you must be an overweight, overly hairy, middle aged loser who tries to feel cool by dressing up as a pirate and riding a stone-age motorcycle. If you ride a sportbike you're a speed-demon who either wears a full-faced helmet with a t-shirt and shorts or dresses in so much bright-colored race-spec gear that you look like a Power Ranger. And if you ride and enjoy a 250cc bike you must be either a ditzy girl who ought to be banned from riding or you're a long-haired liberal arts student who spends his time writing lists about his motorcycle. Losers.
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